For several months now, I have been going through some spiritual growing pains. There has been a leading to leave what is behind and press on to the unknown; that I’m being called to move. It hasn’t been easy. I’m being told to leave familiar and go into the unknown. I’m being told that ‘this’ is not where I belong, yet not being told ‘exactly’ where I do belong. And all of it is because of an overwhelming desire and hunger to grow.
It’s not that I want what ‘they’ have, it’s that I want to know more, experience more, be more and grow more within myself. My soul and my spirit are not satisfied because there is more and I am in pursuit of more. There is more to Father God than we are remotely aware of, and as soon as I settle or get comfortable, I know I have lost.
People have told me that I need to stay where I am for the fellowship. I’ve been told I’m not a good Christian if I don’t. Yet in my spirit I hear “pursue Me and I will provide all you need”. I have fought it. I wanted to stay where I was, I don’t like change – it’s messy! Yet when I tune in to my spiritual realm, I realized my growth had stalled. I am overwhelmingly hungry for more. I need meat, something substantial, real food; not praise or adoration from people, not fly-by-night only-there-when-it’s-good; I want the fullness of God – at all times and in all things.
And that is not an easy place to be.
I have wrestled with my soul, my spirit, my emotions, my feelings and my thoughts. I have had to let go of people and places and it hurts doing so. I have had backlash because I want to focus on God. Instead of cheering me on for wanting to grow, I’m being told that I clearly don’t get ‘it’ because I should be able to grow where I am. I feel like child with growing feet and in need of shoes that fit yet being told there is nothing wrong with the shoes I have on. I am growing. And I am growing in my journey, my purpose, my faith and my trust – in God. And when I focus on that, and that alone, I know I am doing the right thing.
I am in the lane and the season that I am supposed to be in. And that is my focus.
There are too many voices that suggest this or that in our lives. Yet there is only one voice we should be listening to – God’s. Following the Holy Spirit promptings and even when nothing makes sense in our minute human logic, to trust God.
I spent far too much of my life listening to the opinions of others and far too little time listening to God. And in my heart I know that God is right.
I want more. I want to know God more. I want to know Jesus more. I want Holy Spirit to lead me more. I want to experience the fullness of God in my everyday life. The gifts from God are free; it is maturity in Christ that is costly. But to me, it is worth the pursuit and the price, because when I focus on God, the price becomes priceless.
I no longer want to lower the standard of scripture to fit my experiences of life. Jesus came to raise people up; raise them up from the dead – spiritually and literally. When I become complacent, when I become settled, that is when I start dying. God pursues us passionately. I want to pursue Him passionately too. I want to be raised up.
There is more to God than what we know. There is more to God than what we experience. There is more to God than where we are. Everything good comes from God, therefore God is good. And that is my focus – on my good good Father – yielded to God.
It could be a messy journey of mistakes and triumphs but Jesus set an example that could be followed, and when I see that, I know there is more for my life than I ever thought possible. As His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, as His ways are higher than my ways, as His thoughts for me outnumber the grains of sand, as His thoughts are good and noble and pure, as His thoughts give hope and purpose – there is so much more!
And where I focus, my life will follow…