and not over-do things. I live life right now from a pain level perspective and compass… what is going to hurt, what I can tolerate, what is going to make the pain rage and what is manageable. And even when I’m monitoring all this, doing the best I can, there are nights that my pain is raging at a level 10, and I am in tears because of it. It’s not ok! And everything's not fine!
I look at my family around me… they’re helpless… they have no idea or clue what to do to help. They’re awesome in that they do so much already… but when I’m in tears because of the pain, I see the pain and heartbreak in my husband’s eyes, I see the fear in my kid’s faces wondering if Mommy’s going to be ok… It’s not ok! And it’s not fine!
I don’t see my friends as much… either because of the mobility issues of getting to them, or the work involved in having them over, or the pain involved in either of those things. I have had to stop serving at my church because of the inability to do simple things like welcoming people to church and the pain that results from standing for just 10 minutes… It’s not ok! And it’s not fine!
When I am in a place of pain, where my life is controlled by how much pain an activity will bring on or not, I end up withdrawing from life… I don’t want to be more than people can handle. I’ll exclude myself from family stuff because I don’t want to see their pain for me, or their fear of what I’m going through. It's not ok... and everything's not fine!
Pain can take over… pain can force us into a place we do not want to be… pain can lead us into the depths of despair and depression… Physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain, financial pain, spiritual pain… Pain sucks!
When you’re in a place of pain – regardless of which form – it is REALLY hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You feel trapped, with no way out, no hope, no relief.
And no one ever talks about the pain… We’re scared, we don’t want to be a burden on others, we don’t want to be doom and gloom on people… because we are SUPPOSED to be happy, cheery, joyous Christians and no one wants to be around someone who’s negative. Yet every single one of us experiences the pain in some way or another.
Our pain is NOT us feeling sorry for ourselves… our pain is a season and we all go through seasons. If we are doing things to help ourselves out of that season, there is nothing to be ashamed of in talking about the pain of the season. It is a part of your life and your testimony and it may just help others to listen to it and experience it with you.
We talk enough about the pain and suffering that Jesus endured for us when He went to the Cross, so why can’t our pain help others?
It is ok to not be ok! It is ok when everything is not fine! But it is what we do with those seasons and during those times that makes the difference…
I’m seeing doctors, specialists and muscular therapists, I’m trying to stay mobile as much as possible and in the meantime, when I’m having to rest physically, I write, read and study.
I wish I could say that God is instantly healing the pain each time I experience it or someone prays for me, but that isn’t usually the case in my case (there have indeed been times though that hands-on pray has worked!!). But I know He is working behind the scenes and even when I’m doing what I can do and making efforts to do things to get better, I know it’s all in His timing and not my own. Would I like to live differently? Yes!! Very much so!! But I’m here… and even though ‘here’ literally hurts, I know that God is with me, and I continue to go deeper in my relationship with Him.
This season is teaching me something and while I may not completely understand it yet, I KNOW that everything is in God's hands and He loves me.
Sometimes, clinging on to God’s word is all that can see us through situations and seasons. I know I’m not the only person dealing with chronic and debilitating pain. I know that I also don’t handle it well at times… I get emotional, I get despondent, I get angry…
I don’t know what the answer is to all the pain there is in the world… all of it – the wars, the hate, the physical, the emotional, and everything you can think of – but I do know that giving up on God, walking away from Jesus or abandoning the promises that have been made to us in the Bible, those AREN’T the answer. Sticking close, getting closer, digging in deeper, even when it’s the hardest to see clearly – that’s when we need to do it the most. And it’s an inside job… we can’t make the outside world change but we sure can change our inside world!
It’s easy to praise God and all He has done when we ARE ok and everything IS fine… but when we are in that valley, that meantime, that season of pain or despair… when we really need and want Him to show up the most, that’s exactly when we ought to be praising, praying and thanking God the most for all He has already done, all He is doing now (even though we can’t see it) and all He will ever do. Praise when it’s the hardest! Pray when it’s the hardest! And I’m certain that He will come through because He always has before. He doesn’t give up on us… so let’s not give up on Him!
It’s hard! I TOTALLY get that! But I’m learning and sharing and experiencing Him even in my pain! I am here for a season and this season WILL pass! You are here for a season too and whatever kind of pain you are facing WILL pass too! Romans 8:28 says that we KNOW that ALL things work together for GOOD to those who LOVE God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
If you are a Christian person or Jesus follower, you ARE called by God and ALL things will work together for GOOD. There is a reason and a season for everything we face and I know that this is just a season and like all seasons, it will change and because I love Jesus, it will change for the good!
No matter what you are facing and no matter what I am facing, NEVER let go of the fact that God loves us and is indeed in this with us. He is faithful and He is good!!