I could have been an abortion.
Yes, you read that right! I was conceived in 1966 on the other side of my country. I don't know what happened but I was born on the opposite side nine months later. I do not know if I was the bi-product of 'innocent young love' or perhaps my biological father died and my biological mother felt she couldn’t cope or perhaps I was the bi-product of something terrible like rape or incest or of any other horrible event that can happen to a woman. I don’t know.
Regardless of how I was conceived, I know this - my biological mother could have easily taken the easy way out and had an abortion. But she didn't. In my eyes, she actually took the excruciatingly hard way.
Being a mother now myself, I cannot imagine what my biological mother went through during that time, having carried me for nine months, and then put me up for adoption. But I'm really grateful she did.
I'm grateful that she didn't shrink away from a "mistake" and actually "owned" it. I'm grateful that she did the hard thing for her that actually gave me a life. I'm grateful that even though our nine months together will never leave her, and that I will always be a question mark in the back of her mind, that she did the brave thing and let me live. I'm grateful that she had the courage to follow through with my life so that my life could also produce life.
And if you think I'm talking from a perspective I know nothing about, you are wrong. I could have been an abortion. I was adopted. I have had an abortion. And I have children; daughters in fact.
Whether you put a child up for adoption or whether you have an abortion, you will have a question mark in your life. (Unless you are a completely, and I do mean completely, self-absorbed woman - and in my opinion, for what it's worth, you are not THAT self-absorbed).
I question whether at the age of 16 I should have had an abortion and what that child would have been like all these years later. I also have to answer to my own children today about why I killed a baby. You see, children are so amazing in their questions - they don't mince their words and they are pretty direct. Young life is fairly black and white; experiences haven't jaded them yet and made everything 50 shades of grey. In a 5-year-old’s mind, killing a baby is just that – killing a baby.
So why? Why did I do that? Well, I was young – that’s my fallback excuse. I was still in school. It would have ruined my life. I wasn’t married and I wasn’t even ‘with’ the dad anymore. It was indeed all about me!
But at the same time, I could have been an abortion. If my biological mother had felt the same way I did when I was pregnant at 16, I wouldn’t be telling my story today. I wouldn’t be doing my bit to make a difference in the world. And I wouldn’t be raising my two girls who will also do the same thing.
No matter how weak or strong you think you are, and no matter how much you love or hate your mother, please think about this: Where would you be today if your mother had an abortion? What if she didn’t do the hard, courageous and brave thing by having you?
It’s not that I’m trying to tell you what to do, but I’m asking you to think about what you are doing. There are consequences to everything we do – some are good and some are bad.
Especially with raising girls I question everything I do. What example am I giving them? What should I be doing to be a good example? How would I react or be or help if one of them became pregnant outside of marriage or as a teenager or whatever? And I wish I had an easy answer, but I don’t. The only thing I can say is that I hope I would talk to them about both the pros and the cons. I hope that I raise them in such a way where they actually value their bodies enough to not just have sex with anyone. I hope that I would see things from their perspective, the joy or the fear, and not let my prejudices get in the way.
I have never ever shared anything like this before. I have never ever thanked my biological mother for allowing me to have life when she could have taken it away. I have never ever prayed for her, whoever she is, until now. I have never pleaded with such a divided and broken world, nor to women specifically, asking you to think before you do something.
We are blaming men for way too much. We are blaming the government way too much. We are blaming – period – way too much! We are responsible too.
If you want to label me for this – go for it! I am pro-choice, pro-life, pro-adoption, pro-faith, pro-women, pro-human, and most definitely pro-thinking and pro-responsibility.